The Compliment ‘Thing’

“When we willingly accept compliments, we are reminded that others see us through different eyes.”  ~ M. Taylor

Accepting compliments is not an easy task for most people. But you may find yourself ‘gladly’ taking on and believe any form of criticism that’s coming your way. 

That is because you unconsciously look for proof of what is inside of you. 

When you feel really good and confident about yourself, you see, hear and feel that which resonates with that self-love. Likewise, if you believe you are different, not enough or even wrong, then you will easily pick up on anything that affirms those imprints. 

You filter everything through your wounds, imprints, programming and belief system. 

In short: the way you see yourself.

You can however, reframe this whole compliment ‘thing’ and learn how to make receiving them becomes easier ;-):

Because right here and right now, you can make a choice to fully accept compliments as if they were a gift. Which they actually are, in fact!

They are given to you as a gift of acknowledgment for what you’ve accomplished, for something well said, for how happy you look today, or for the great dress you’re wearing. 

This is what others see in you!

But what do you do? You downplay their compliments or argue against them.

Because they make you feel reeeaaally uncomfortable, right?

Oh, it was nothing, really …

I didn’t do it on my own, so and so helped me make it happen …

It’s an old one I‘ve had for years (and found I still had hanging in the closet ;-))

A misplaced feeling of modesty…

But what is happening here is a few things:

• You cannot see these qualities in yourself and so they feel like lies
• You don’t like being put on the spot like that, because being the center of attention caused a lot of pain and embarrassment before

It’s your shame is being triggered on a deeper level. 

Your deeper woundedness of not (good) enough, unworthiness, not measuring up.

So, this is what you can do to make receiving compliments easier, and actually turn it into something beautiful that not only helps you, but also serves the giver:

Exercise to help you become comfortable receiving (and giving) compliments

When you visualize the energy of a compliment, see beautiful, shining, positive energy being sent from the giver. That energy, if accepted graciously, brightens your energy field. Your gratitude then returns to the giver as warm, fuzzy, glowing energy, completing an even circuit of good feelings. 

But if you reject a compliment, what could have been a beautiful exchange becomes awkward and uncomfortable, making it a negative experience instead. Misplaced modesty can ruin the joy of sharing this connection with another person. 

But you can accept a compliment and still be modest by simply saying “thank you”. 

However, if you reject compliments due to a lack of self-esteem, then the first step would be to start believing good things about yourself. Try giving yourself compliments in the mirror. Beyond the initial feelings of silliness, you will notice how good it feels and enjoy watching the smile it puts on your face. 

The next step would be to see how it feels to give compliments to others. Notice how great you feel when you’ve made another person’s face brighten and how differently you feel when the gift you’ve offered is rejected. 

Having experienced all sides, you will be ready to play along fully and willingly. 

We are our harshest critics. When we accept compliments, we are reminded that others see us through different eyes. All living beings crave positive attention, and we all deserve to have positive energy shared with us. Perhaps if we happily and gratefully accept compliments, we will give others permission to do so as well.

(Exercise by M. Taylor)